Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
