This is not my ceiling
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
