I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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