You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
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