You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he thought i was a dude.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
