he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
two words: eviction party
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
