I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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