My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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