I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
