So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
