I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
