i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize