I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
