the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
