Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
