I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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