I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
