things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do you have feelings for this penis?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize