just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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