I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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