just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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