I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Randomize
