this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize