How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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