If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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