brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
