Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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