I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
