I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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