The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
