You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
3pm strippers are depressing
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
