I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
