You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
