Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
