Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
