you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
