Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's blow job season.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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