I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize