I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
