oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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