there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How external is "for external use only"?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize