I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize