we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
