Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
