Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
