Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
