3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
im calling her cock vulture from now on
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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