Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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