so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
