I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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