my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
