No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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