Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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