Christians are straight up FREAKS
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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