That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
