I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
