Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
