i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
