i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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