If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize