Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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