All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
