Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
