i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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