Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
