I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize