If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
