thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
