i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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