He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
this just has baby written all over it
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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