I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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