Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
