At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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