How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There's always time for handjobs
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
