Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
