I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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