I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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