Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
