This is not my ceiling
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
