explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
