I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
babies were throwing up all over the place
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
