I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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