so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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