She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
