I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
