check it out our google latitudes are spooning
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize