Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
