Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
