I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
