and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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