i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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