I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
this hospital has no fireball
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
