naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
