so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
