What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
