Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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