my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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