I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
