turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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